Wally's was exactly what I needed tonight. A little hole in the wall, with 365-days-a-year live music (Monday is blues night, according to the website). The place has been around since 1947, and it's oozing character, by barely trying. Low ceilings, minimal decor, mostly awards, photos, and some low-key art, but a great crowd, mix of old and young, everyone clapping, swaying, singing. An unfancy bouncer, bar, and bartender--all I drank was Red Stripe, but the chalkboards boasted drinks, wine, and whiskey, too--and above all, great music. Tonight, the set allowed for multiple boozy singalongs, and the music on between sets was the right fit too. Mike and I got kept captive by some crazy drunk woman telling us about her mom's multiple bypass surgeries, and it was all we could do to keep from busting out in ridiculous laughter. Cue more Red Stripe. The night ended, at least for us, with some James Brown (get on up...) and a clove and giggle filled walk home, as we let out the compressed hysteria at gastric-bypass-woman. Tomorrow's my day off, and this was a good way to ease on into a day off full of everything I can't fit into my day's on. Sing myself to sleep with a little James Brown...

im sick of being angry or manic just because im afraid to admit im hurt or slow down.

on the up side, my classes actually all strangely fit together.
keeping in touch with people helps me feel more whole
im learning to be ok with change and growing up
my hair is getting really long
breezy fall days are here!!
i miss parts of the 'burgh
trying to let more in
need to stretch
and sleep.

a bottle of wine later (is that when we're all really honest?)

a smidge overwhelmed
but we all know how i love the manic
wishing i didnt feel so down regarding the/a boy
optimistic about my classes
ambivalent about plenty of things
missing some people and family at home
wishing i felt less all over the place
glad i have my independence
a little sad that no relationship has a major pull on my time
needing more sunshine in my life
ready for some real life responsibility
in need of a goal/purpose beyond the immediate future
absolutely craving affection/sex/anything in that category
proud and embarrassed that i let myself open up a little
wanting to both move on and never let go
not quite ready to grow up. or am i.
feeling a little too observatory/girl in a fishbowl at times
how connected are we all, really? or all we are just moving around and past each other?

So true.

Can we all agree on this?

In other news, Google Calendar runs my life.

letting it go

Squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

today = brunch. beach. brain on fire.

top goal of the moment:

banish unnecessary usage of the the word "like" from my vocabulary. effective immediately. any readers, please help me enforce this with any method you see fit. thanks.

of mice and men and interns and clarity

If I've learned one thing from my myriad internships and jobs, its that I want to be a good supervisor. A good boss. A good coworker. Someone that helps to shape a positive, enjoyable, productive work environment.

A job isn't just the task at hand--its something that consumes hours of lives, a purpose behind a drive, and also affects the lifestyle and mental state of the worker, beyond the effect the actual work done in work hours has on a business or on clients or on the world.

It doesn't take much to be a pleasant part of an office. In all honesty, I think it takes more effort to be curt, brusque, unfriendly, unhelpful, uninviting, and cold. By chatting with coworkers, smiling, editing others' work or taking on a project someone can't handle, inviting someone for lunch or coffee, offering to pick up something or run an errand for a busy boss, or answering the simplest or toughest of questions, you can make a huge difference in the comfort level of a work environment.

Encouraging workers to take a break, rather than chaining them to a desk forcefully or subconsciously, is another great way to boost morale--even the most motivated people can't focus for 8 hours a day--why make them try? Condone coffee breaks, and employee bonding. Happy employees do more work. Angry employees will procrastinate and do mediocre work.

Don't discourage dialogue. Don't ever make someone feel stupid for asking a question, because one day, that person will be too cowed to ask a question, and you might not like the result of the work they do without questioning.

Also, just remember things. Not big things, but you know, when your intern is coming into the office, or when their last day is. Just one of those ways to make employees feel valued.

that's it for now. something more coherent later--I want to read more about workplace theory at bigger companies, or more productive companies.

our need for definitions

dating. seeing each other. relationship. boyfriend. hanging out. whatever. hooking up.

why do we feel the need to define (or not define) our romantic/sexual relationships so much? the range from immediate serious relationship to serious commitment-phobe within my group of friends makes for interesting gossip and conversations.

a friend of mine feels "dating" is too serious a term for what he and a new interest are doing--but aren't they going on dates? my silliness lately, when contrasted to recent engagements in my crowd, seems overblown.

do we seek to define because it gives us security? do we leave things undefined because definition might mean we care? do we wait to see if someone else defines first as part of a power struggle? leave things loose so we don't lose pride if it doesn't work out?

Not falling apart

My happy list post today just proves to me that a lot of what stresses me out is just in my head. Even with a week as stressful as the last one or two have been, there's so many little (and big) things that should keep me from blowing up.

The weekend with the London ladies was exactly what I needed: some of my favorite people, in my favorite city, and all we had to have to make a good time was each other! We ate and drank and shopped and napped and caught up and LAUGHED! Emily's parents treated us to Maroon 5 tickets out in Mansfield, which was an unexpectedly wonderful night--Adam Levine is gorgeous, and I'd forgotten how much I love their music.

This week is all about trying to take a deep breath and not overinvest myself. I stepped down as the chair of a committee for Generation Progress, a PAC/networking organization launched by a friend. I'll remain involved, but wised up and took a leadership load off. I'm almost at the end of all the summer orientation fairs for freshmen, and onto some of the final preparations for the student groups I run. I'm also freelancing right now, and am quite a bit behind on my hours, but I'll hopefully get around to it this week and the next.

Starting/continuing to ponder jobs. This internship has been a minor-league disaster. Jobs and bosses and work always make me think about how I'd do it better as either an employee or a boss in another instance. I really want to own my own company eventually--not sure what the mission would be, but I've been talking about creating the ultimate work environment obsessively lately. Grad school's also in the back of my mind. My poor buzzing mind.

I booked tickets home for two weeks from now, and tickets to Tampa to see my grandmother right before classes start in September. Classes start?! Eek. Still trying to figure out what my 4th class is going to be: options I've found range from journalism on the web to psychobiology to Islam. We'll see what I pick.

Taking.
Deep.
Breaths.

I think that's the top priority on my long to-do list. That, and remembering to focus on the happy things.

lets have a conversation...

this was quite possibly one of the worst weeks ive had in quite some time.
tomorrow will be better, because it has to be.
one nice thing, is when your chips are down, you do realize how wonderful your friends really are, not to be toooo cliche.
i need to reset, shed some responsibility, and really take care of myself for once. and not just say it, but do it. otherwise, we're going to have a problem.