When I'm stressed, I hold my breath.

Bizarre, no?

The trickledown effects of it are even sillier. By holding my breath, I cut off oxygen to my brain and probably make it more difficult to use my braincells for the time being. Holding my breath forces me to tense all the muscles in my body, especially my back, causing muscle pain that stresses me out more.

But, I think I know why I hold my breath: in the face of stress and uncontrollable outside forces, only I can control my breathing, and when and how I do it. It's akin, in many ways, to people who use food as a control mechanism (not in an extreme way, but I do that too--I'll tell myself I can eat when I've finished certain tasks or timespans of doing something).

Control is a big deal in my life. I'm learning how to share power and responsibility this semester, and to try to lessen my burdens, and it's tricky business for my personality and my lifestyle. Because I lack control over so much at the moment, it's harder to maintain control, mentally, over the things I actually can maintain oversight on--making me more stressed in the process.

I surround myself with other high-octane control freaks, which by proxy makes me feel like my levels of insanity are normal, when in fact we're all crazy. At least there's comfort in company...? This semester is not what I planned on in any way shape or form, and I'll be a changed person afterwards for many reasons. I guess the lesson is to take away everything I can from the stresses and the control lessons and the things and topics I'm engrossed in, rather than try to maximize the current experience as much as I've been stressing about.