On Recipes from Jewish Grandmothers

My mother has requested a dish called "osso buco" for her birthday dinner (she's a Christmas baby!). My paternal grandmother made it for her birthday for years, but now Gram lives in South Carolina and we won't be with her until the 26th. I called my grandmother up to try to get the recipe. Disaster ensues.

Precursor: the last time I asked my grandmother for her mandelbrot recipe, she left out crucial ingredients like, oh, I don't know, baking powder. Needless to say, my first attempt at mandelbrot was a little terrible. I have two theories behind this problem:

1) No Jewish grandmother works from written recipes. Recipes live in the mind, and involve measurements like "a little of this", "a handful of that", and "oh, who knows, just taste it til it seems perfect". Because she was working off of a mental recipe, she just plum forgot the baking powder.

2) Through a scheming grandmother complex of never wanting anyone else to make her signature dishes as beautifully as she did, she purposefully left off an ingredient or two, knowing I wouldn't be able to tell, my cooking would turn out a little mediocre, and she would remain queen of Jewish cooking for all time.

You decide.

Anyway. So I call up my grandmother, who at the age of eighty-something, is, to put it kindly, deaf as a fucking doornail unless you're sitting right next to her. My grandfather picks up, and I tell him what I want, warning him of my past recipe strife, and asking him to tell her that I want the WHOLE recipe, no shenanigans. He gives the phone to her. Before I can even get out of my mouth that I want her osso buco recipe, she has handed the phone to my grandfather because she can't understand me. Through multiple phone-passings-off, we are both finally on the same page that I need the recipe. Highlights of the phone conversation are as follows:

Gram: "Then add tomatoes! You know, I used to just pick them out of the garden, back in the day, but a can will do."
Me: "What size can?"
Gram: "A can. One that's big enough. You'll know."

Gram: "Put all those ingredients in a bag. Shake the bag. Shake it hard."

Gram: "Pour in some white wine. I like all kinds. PLENTY of white wine."

Gram: "Just bake it til it tastes good. You'll know."

We get to the end of the recipe-imparting. I rack my brain, trying to see if I remember any other delicious components of the dish. There are always big chunks of carrots. She has not remotely mentioned carrots. I call her out on this.

Gram: "Oh, carrots...of course, carrots. Brown them. Big chunks of carrots. Very important. Did I not say that? Carrots"

I am skeptical. This seems like scheming grandma, not forgetful grandma. I will win. I will make delicious osso buco. I ask if there are any other ingredients. She says no, wishes me luck with the dish, suggests I rob a bank to pay for the expensive veal shank bones that are the base of the dish. This seems like a good idea.

I call my mother, to tell her about scheming grandmother recipe ordeal. One minute in, my grandmother calls through, to tell me I should cross-check her with the Silver Palate recipe for osso buco, because "I'm old, you know". She tells me that I will make it beautifully, that my mother will love it, and that she wishes she could be there to taste it. Sighhhh. Cutest grandmother ever. I fly down to visit her on Saturday!

I love my grandmother, and am now in a quandary over how to gauge future recipes. Does she love me? Does she want me to fail? Are the two mutually exclusive? (I hope not??) Wish me luck on the osso buco journey. I remain wary.

I will be her one day. Never trust my recipes when I am a grandma and have to guard my Jewish culinary renown. Maybe don't even trust me now. But remember, even if I set you up for failure, I love you. It's for your (my?) own good.

What's in your closet? (and why I DO think it matters)

Even if you swear you're "not into fashion", you still get dressed in the morning. Getting dressed requires making choices. Choices about your style. Otherwise you'd go to work in a paper bag, or better (worse?) yet, naked. In other words, everyone has a style. It's more a matter of how you choose to express it.

I follow a bunch of fashion and style blogs, a stack of home and design blogs, and religiously read magazines from Vogue to Nylon to ID to Paper. I love some of it, ignore a lot of it, and wish I was the style editor for a big chunk of it. And yes, I think the pricetags on most of things on the pages are ludicrous. Because they are. Nobody should follow these publications or "experts" blindly, or they would go bankrupt. I use everything from magazines to people on the T to IKEA as inspiration for how I dress myself and the world around me, and can do so for low-brow pennies on the high-street dollar. But I do make style choices, for a variety of different reasons, depending on the day. And so do you. Unless you dress exactly like your roommates or your sister or your girlfriend every day, you have style.

If you think that style doesn't matter, I hate (ok, LOVE) to say that I think you're wrong. When you don't have much to judge people on, appearance ends up being one of the first things we utilize to form our opinions about people. It can be in a good way or a bad way, but the way we look does speak to a few things about us. It can subtly impart that we're trying to impress or follow the rules (slicked back hair, carefully ironed pants, expertly matched accessories) or that we bend the rules (tattoos peeking out from crisp white sleeves, a tasteful nose piercing). Big jewelry or bright colors can hint that we want to be remembered, while simple or dark clothing can indicate a push to blend in and not make a scene. Trendy bag = penchant for labels? Or just a love of that designer's aesthetic. Jacket from your mom's era? Sentimental value, or maybe you just hate the only leather jackets for sale in 2009 don't make you feel badass. Dressing for yourself, or dressing for other people: we make choices about what we wear, where we wear it, and what we want to portray dressed like that. Or we'd show up naked, and not care at all.

(Still think I'm wrong? Look at a picture of yourself when you were 2. And then one age 7. Then 11. 15. 20. Today. Are you wearing the same things? Do you cringe at some photos? Is part of the cringing not at acne or blurry photography, but at what you're wearing? Still wish you could wear pink puffy dresses or Superman pajamas in public, but some part of you says you shouldn't? I'm right. Fashion and style matter. You're welcome.)

(STILL think I'm wrong? Would you wear your bathing suit to a job interview? Would you wear your business suit to the beach? No? Yeah, I'm right. I thought so.)

Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying you have to spaz every time you put on jeans: "What am I saying if I put on boot cut or skinny, acid-washed or dark rinse?!?!" Style and fashion shouldn't be a singular obsession: you can look like Heidi Klum and still be bad at your job or be a terrible person. But don't write it all off, either. Think about how your favorite concert t-shirt or a dangly pair of earrings or a killer cocktail dress can lift your mood. And how uncomfortable you are when you're wearing shoes that hurt, an ugly sweater your mom made you wear, or when you know you're having a bad hair day. We all make style and fashion choices, and you may as well admit it and enjoy it. And if you want to go shopping, give me a call.

Suggestions if you want to open up your mind to the world of style?
The Sartorialist--one of the pre-eminent fashion photographers today, Scott Shuman
Garance Dore (Thank you to Kate!) Scott's girlfriend Garance, a photographer and illustrator
Put This On (thank you to Leif) "how to dress like a grownup" (I will be writing more about this...)
New Brahmin (Boston style) Local fashion and style buffs who work for Boston publications
New York Times Fashion and Style. The eponymous NYTimes.
The Moment (New York Times) NY Times style blog
The Selby amazing photos of interesting people, their style, and their homes

Magazines:
Vogue (British edition highly recommended) Vanity Fair, Nylon, ID, Paper, and many, many more.

Comment with your favorite style and fashion blogs, please!