Things I Am Excited About (all deserving of capital letters)

• www.conjectured.com and www.workatjelly.com

The idea of a more organized coffee shop/idea swap experience is hugely attractive to me...I like surrounding myself with friends (usually studying or working on different topics than me) and feeding off the range of energy and ideas. Tempted to check out a Boston Jelly, especially if I get into...

• Consulting for my dad

His custom-design jewelry business could use overhaul in a few areas: PR, marketing, demographics, events, engaging the public, new media, rhetoric/message/branding, etc. We talked for a long time tonight about various ideas I have for the Pittsburgh audience, as well as branching out in various different directions. Nothing he adds to his business will hurt--it will only help or serve as a testing mechanism for future attempts. Plus, most of my ideas would be pretty low-cost--he could pay me or a young person with a similar background to do a lot of the groundwork for minimal money and with minimal supplies beyond a cellphone and a computer. Goal is to convince him to hire me (and actually pay me, something he is horrific at following through on) for the spring...

• Job hunting

Both petrifying and really exciting. Need to make lots of lists of fields/companies/inspirations/interests to research. Boston Best Businesses, using Danielle's connection to a career consultant, calling up all my old bosses, gathering together any actual skills and useful knowledge I've garnered from college, revamping my LinkedIn, blog, Twitter, happylist blog, etc to be useful demonstrations of my skills, and continuing to be excited about the things I'm passionate about.

• Getting my act together

This sounds like my New Year's resolution list, but that's fine. Grocery shopping, gymming, redoing my Google Reader to encompass everything I need (and actually reading it), meditation, keeping in touch (writing actual letters, too) with people near and far, learning how to manage my money in any way shape or form, planning the travel I need for 2009, finding an apartment with Bonnie, paying off any bills, getting a Blackberry-type object, and remembering to take time for me and for the seemingly less consequential things in my life (beyond school and activities and to-do lists). Typing things out makes them seem real: if I have to reread this when I go back through this blog, maybe it will make me uncomfortable enough to follow through.

• To Be Continued :)

Check out www.itsthehappylist.blogspot.com for more exciting things in my life and in other lives!

I have cried more times in the past month than I may have cried the rest of 2008. I'm not sure if this is me letting myself go more often, or more weird things in my life, or hormones, or what. I suppose it's cathartic on some level, but the control freak in me is really upset (maybe I'll cry about it...).

8 days until Thanksgiving. So excited for my family and girls at home and my dog.
3.5 weeks until the last day of the semester.

Some of the good in the past week:

• phonecall from my cousin living in Boston
• shabu shabu with the girls and toomey for Danielle's birthday
• a nice relaxing night at Punter's on Saturday
• giving my 2nd to last presentation in PolComm today
• randomly warm days in November when I could wear flipflops
• the people I see constantly (i.e, almost every day) on campus--the routine makes me smile.
  

I reread all the entries in my old livejournal just now.

So many entries still ring true. And part of me was a lot more honest and open freshman year. Hard to believe this is my fifth year of college. I think I need some of the introspection I allowed myself back then. Now, I think, and then put those thoughts on the backburner to focus on something more "pressing". Introspection is pressing though. And necessary.

My roommate Lori, to me at the bar tonight: "you're that girl that everyone tells their shit to."

When I'm stressed, I hold my breath.

Bizarre, no?

The trickledown effects of it are even sillier. By holding my breath, I cut off oxygen to my brain and probably make it more difficult to use my braincells for the time being. Holding my breath forces me to tense all the muscles in my body, especially my back, causing muscle pain that stresses me out more.

But, I think I know why I hold my breath: in the face of stress and uncontrollable outside forces, only I can control my breathing, and when and how I do it. It's akin, in many ways, to people who use food as a control mechanism (not in an extreme way, but I do that too--I'll tell myself I can eat when I've finished certain tasks or timespans of doing something).

Control is a big deal in my life. I'm learning how to share power and responsibility this semester, and to try to lessen my burdens, and it's tricky business for my personality and my lifestyle. Because I lack control over so much at the moment, it's harder to maintain control, mentally, over the things I actually can maintain oversight on--making me more stressed in the process.

I surround myself with other high-octane control freaks, which by proxy makes me feel like my levels of insanity are normal, when in fact we're all crazy. At least there's comfort in company...? This semester is not what I planned on in any way shape or form, and I'll be a changed person afterwards for many reasons. I guess the lesson is to take away everything I can from the stresses and the control lessons and the things and topics I'm engrossed in, rather than try to maximize the current experience as much as I've been stressing about.

I like learning. No matter how much I can complain about being busy and having a lot of homework, I think I like the chance to be exposed to a lot of things and a lot of people and (un)consciously soaking up as much information and as many ideas as humanly possible. The opportunity to pick up bits and pieces from a variety of arenas has been invaluable.

I may have written about this before, but all my classes interconnect in a way they haven't in any other semester.

• Non-Profit Program Design and Fundraising
• Political Communication (NOT about the elections, strangely)
• Public Policy and Administration (taught by Michael Dukakis)
• Capstone (this is the only one that doesn't fit in)

Non-Profit helps me understand how to better plan, ponder, and structure most things in my life. PolComm brings public policy on disabilities (the focus of our project) in with the design aspects of non-profit work. Public Policy addresses many issues in the election season, and informs what can be altered through PolComm, as well as what is taken care of through non-profits. I TA for a class on Model United Nations and run the club connected to it, and I'm learning myriad amounts about management, leadership, education, public speaking, and international issues and negotiations.

Having friends in most majors, and friends who are interested in subjects from beer to biomedical engineering makes learning about things outside of my own sphere surprisingly easy. In a single group setting, I can talk about quantum physics, rock climbing, what prescriptions you can drink beer with, atonal music, and how twitter is being used with mainstream media. I have friends who are: Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, NRA members, religious zealots, atheists, dirty hippies, capitalists, money grubbers, minimalists, shopaholics, vegetarians, carnivores, actively ambitious, too smart to be anything but successful, humble, proud, loud, and quiet.

If you pay enough attention to those around you, you can learn so much.

absolutely nothing makes me happier than spending time with the people i really care about.

in the face of everything else: death, stress, worry, insecurity, overload of work, i continue to realize that the people in my life are what make everything else worth the time i put in. i have to keep remembering that, because if those i value fall by the way side, pretty soon nothing else holds the same importance, and I would rather not come to that conclusion that too late to change things.

love you all. be safe, be healthy, be happy, and let's keep making time for each other.

Thoughts to be expanded on more thoroughly later:

• my massage yesterday really chilled me out
• i don't like most of the clothing i own
• i think i may have mildly overcommitted myself this semester
• i want a comfy couch or arm chair to do homework and reading in
• i miss a lot of things
• leadership is a complicated concept
• more hugs and cuddling in my life would be good
• having a hard time prioritizing and focusing
• craving more outside time
• in disbelief at how old we all are
  

this semester full of group projects and student groups is going to (hopefully) make me practice playing nicely with others.

whether my group members or I emerge with scratches, war wounds, or psychological trouble can be evaluated at the end of December.

this made me smile so hard today:

where the hell is matt?