In my cab to a strange business meeting last night, I had a Lebanese cab driver. He asked me what I did, and when I said I raised funds for Mass General, writing all the thank you notes to rich people, he started telling me about the Muslim theories behind giving.
He spoke about "zakat", the philosophy of giving in Islam. In his culture, giving was more of an obligation, not a thing to be congratulated for. He told me that the best way for a wealthy person to give was in such a manner that the recipient didn't know the giver, and the giver didn't know the recipient, commenting that in this type of situation, nobody could feel better than or worse than the other party. There should be neither pride nor shame in giving or receiving, he said. Also, he said, the idea of people tacking their names all over buildings or donor lists, expecting a pat on the back for giving, when they were in the financial position to be generous, was silly.
This made total sense to me. I told him that the word for exactly this concept in Judaism is "tzedakah", or obligation. Giving is expected of everyone, in greater amounts from the wealthy, and in small amounts from everyone, and flashy or public recognition of tzedakah is unnecessary and runs counter to the underlying philosophy. There are 8 levels of giving, described by a Jewish philosopher. The top level is teaching or enabling someone how to support themselves so they don't require money from others, and the level right below that is the double-blind giving described by my Muslim cab driver. He laughed when we realized the parallels between our two cultures, when for others simply realizing there was a Jew and a Muslim in the car could have been awkward. We both smiled discussing the things in common between the two beliefs and cultures were and how not many people pause to realize the links.
When I asked why he left Lebanon, the conversation segued into a Munich-like dialogue(if you haven't seen the movie, please do), about how politicians and people at the top create much of the conflict in the Middle East, while everyday people just want to live their lives, support their families, and be happy, regardless of ethnicity, wealth, or political affiliation. He left Lebanon, where politicians at the top almost caused a civil war a few years ago, hoping for a place with less conflict and the chance to live a good life.
In a world where we're always dead set on finding the differences, whether Democrat/Republican, man/woman, Jew/Muslim, American/foreigner, I hopped out of my cab, truly touched by the simple and compassionate conversation between two regular people, willing to see how similar all people are.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
On Being Employed!
Exciting news! I negotiated my way into a full-time position at my temp job. This means the following:
Now that I can take a mental deep breath, I'm signing up for a real gym membership, applying to be a Big Sister (they ask that you have a secure lifestyle for the foreseeable year to even apply!), plotting more networking and community involvement, and spending weekday afternoons reading and going to the movies instead of writing cover letters. The chunk of actual and subconscious time taken up with the job search and stress is out the window for the time being, and truth be told, I won't miss it a tiny bit. Now I can just giggle at the Missed Connections part of craigslist, instead of the marketing/PR and nonprofit sections of the job posts.
Since I'm working in development (read: bringing in the $$ bills, y'all) at Mass General, I'm hoping to learn enough useful things to contribute skills (and my free time) to nonprofits that need an extra hand--a big perk of learning and working at a large and stable organization. Listservs like Young Non-profit Professionals Network (YNPN) disseminate work, volunteer, and networking opportunities in the Boston area--check it out if you're in the field. There are some great programs going on at Mass General too, like the Home Base Program, which provides crucial psychological services to veterans returning from deployment with post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury, and I'm excited to volunteer at more events.
I plan to use any comp time I get on the job to travel on the weekends. Places on the itinerary are DC and NYC for starters, but I'm always looking for new places/people to visit, and saving up time to make it out to California to see my brother, my cousin, and maybe Leif and Stivers if they're lucky!
On a slight tangent, a friend on Twitter mentioned a great program that doesn't seem to have a general group in Boston: Dining For Women. Once a month, women (don't see why men couldn't be included too) meet for a potluck dinner, donating the funds they would have spent going out to dinner to women in need. I'd seriously love to set up a chapter, any takers? Check out the site and the mission statement below!
Mission Statement:
Changing the world one dinner at a time
DFW empowers women living in extreme poverty by funding programs fostering good health, education, and economic self-sufficiency, and cultivates educational dinner circles inspiring individuals to make a difference through the power of collective giving.
- I can stop trolling craiglist (NOT the adult section, thankyouverymuch)
- I will have real health benefits!
- I will get paid more!
- And the best part: I know what I will be doing for the next year or so, and can make other plans accordingly.
Now that I can take a mental deep breath, I'm signing up for a real gym membership, applying to be a Big Sister (they ask that you have a secure lifestyle for the foreseeable year to even apply!), plotting more networking and community involvement, and spending weekday afternoons reading and going to the movies instead of writing cover letters. The chunk of actual and subconscious time taken up with the job search and stress is out the window for the time being, and truth be told, I won't miss it a tiny bit. Now I can just giggle at the Missed Connections part of craigslist, instead of the marketing/PR and nonprofit sections of the job posts.
Since I'm working in development (read: bringing in the $$ bills, y'all) at Mass General, I'm hoping to learn enough useful things to contribute skills (and my free time) to nonprofits that need an extra hand--a big perk of learning and working at a large and stable organization. Listservs like Young Non-profit Professionals Network (YNPN) disseminate work, volunteer, and networking opportunities in the Boston area--check it out if you're in the field. There are some great programs going on at Mass General too, like the Home Base Program, which provides crucial psychological services to veterans returning from deployment with post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury, and I'm excited to volunteer at more events.
I plan to use any comp time I get on the job to travel on the weekends. Places on the itinerary are DC and NYC for starters, but I'm always looking for new places/people to visit, and saving up time to make it out to California to see my brother, my cousin, and maybe Leif and Stivers if they're lucky!
On a slight tangent, a friend on Twitter mentioned a great program that doesn't seem to have a general group in Boston: Dining For Women. Once a month, women (don't see why men couldn't be included too) meet for a potluck dinner, donating the funds they would have spent going out to dinner to women in need. I'd seriously love to set up a chapter, any takers? Check out the site and the mission statement below!
Mission Statement:
Changing the world one dinner at a time
DFW empowers women living in extreme poverty by funding programs fostering good health, education, and economic self-sufficiency, and cultivates educational dinner circles inspiring individuals to make a difference through the power of collective giving.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Play Nice, Win Big.
It pays to be nice to people.
Case in point: I'm running late to work this morning, and I stop by my usual Dunkin Donuts. The people who work there are super friendly and nice, and they know me as a regular by now. I make it a point to always be pleasant with them, even if an order gets screwed up or the line is long, and I ask how they are or how their weekend was. This morning, I walked in, and before I even actually got in line, one of my favorite women behind the counter got my attention, showing me she'd ALREADY made my bagel! I was in and out in no time, in a great mood, and a little renewal of faith in humanity after the typical morning T ride.
Treacly/sentimental, sure. But my mom always taught me that it's right to be pleasant and friendly to everyone. The coffee shop worker, the janitor, the secretary, the store clerk--not only are they real people who deserve friendliness and respect, they can also be your best connections (transition from altruism to a little premeditation). If you befriend the office secretary, you always get a warm welcome and are guaranteed quick responses. A clerk is more likely to do you a favor or hold an item if you don't treat them like dirt. Vice versa, your boss will love if you notice she's having a rough day, and your dad is thrilled when you remember to wish him good luck before a big meeting. And everyone I know was on the bottom rung at some point in their lives. I worked for minimum wage at a deli and folded panties at the Gap. To this day, I tip counter staff, try to not wreck clothing displays at stores, and say "Thanks, have a good day!" to stressed out workers. I do expect the same, and am often disappointed by the lack of basic politeness and pleasantries in others, but hey, maybe I'll start a trend.
This translates into every facet of life. Everyone is a real person with real feelings and real problems. Even superficial or quick relationships should be two-way, and cognizant of both parties' humanity. Unless of course the other party just fired you, dumped you, or gave you the wrong version of your half-caf latte, two Splendas, one cream. Then clearly that person is the spawn of Satan and deserves to roast in hell....
Case in point: I'm running late to work this morning, and I stop by my usual Dunkin Donuts. The people who work there are super friendly and nice, and they know me as a regular by now. I make it a point to always be pleasant with them, even if an order gets screwed up or the line is long, and I ask how they are or how their weekend was. This morning, I walked in, and before I even actually got in line, one of my favorite women behind the counter got my attention, showing me she'd ALREADY made my bagel! I was in and out in no time, in a great mood, and a little renewal of faith in humanity after the typical morning T ride.
Treacly/sentimental, sure. But my mom always taught me that it's right to be pleasant and friendly to everyone. The coffee shop worker, the janitor, the secretary, the store clerk--not only are they real people who deserve friendliness and respect, they can also be your best connections (transition from altruism to a little premeditation). If you befriend the office secretary, you always get a warm welcome and are guaranteed quick responses. A clerk is more likely to do you a favor or hold an item if you don't treat them like dirt. Vice versa, your boss will love if you notice she's having a rough day, and your dad is thrilled when you remember to wish him good luck before a big meeting. And everyone I know was on the bottom rung at some point in their lives. I worked for minimum wage at a deli and folded panties at the Gap. To this day, I tip counter staff, try to not wreck clothing displays at stores, and say "Thanks, have a good day!" to stressed out workers. I do expect the same, and am often disappointed by the lack of basic politeness and pleasantries in others, but hey, maybe I'll start a trend.
This translates into every facet of life. Everyone is a real person with real feelings and real problems. Even superficial or quick relationships should be two-way, and cognizant of both parties' humanity. Unless of course the other party just fired you, dumped you, or gave you the wrong version of your half-caf latte, two Splendas, one cream. Then clearly that person is the spawn of Satan and deserves to roast in hell....
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A little net love
- Bought my own domain name! (convinced to do so by Leif) Hopefully I'll be setting it up soon, redirecting my blog, adding some new components, etc. I'm no technophile, but I'm going to give it a shot!
- A Google Wave invite is headed my way! (courtesy of Dan) I've heard a lot about it, and Danielle scored some early access, so I'm excited to check it out, see if all the fuss measures up. I watched a video or two on it a while back, and seems like something I could really take advantage of, especially with the number of people I keep in touch with on an almost all-online basis.
- Pistachios + Levi Johnston = hilarious
- It's Always Sunny = I want to knit my cat mittens, now that I can knit
- I love the ease of online donations: if you haven't already, even $5 makes a difference. I'm walking in the Light the Night walk tomorrow night at Boston Common to raise money for leukemia and lymphoma research. Our friend Eric Zagorda passed away almost exactly a year ago following a long battle with leukemia, and in his memory we're raising money. He was an active educator and vocal advocate for medical advancement in this area, and staying involved with the cause is one of the best ways to remember him. Check out my team's page, and make a secure online donation
- AND it pays to have friends in high places: Samantha works in the Student Affairs office at Northeastern, and got a mention of our fundraising into the VP for Student Affairs' blog! Thanks Sam!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
REALLY?
From my internal All-User email at MGH:
Animal Walk will affect traffic tonight
The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in town and is having its annual Animal Walk tonight. Traffic delays can be expected.
The Animal Walk will travel the following route:
At approximately 7 pm, the animals will depart Pacific Avenue in Cambridge, turn right onto Albany Street and right onto Mass. Ave.
They will turn left on Memorial Drive and stay on Memorial Drive until the Charles River Bridge on Msgr. O'Brien Highway.
They will turn right to cross the Charles River Bridge and pass in front of the Museum of Science.
They will then go down Martha Road and take a left on Nashua Street to the TD Garden ramp.
Thank you.
MGH Parking and Commuter Services
...anyone want to go look at elephants and zebras in the rain? No?
Animal Walk will affect traffic tonight
The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in town and is having its annual Animal Walk tonight. Traffic delays can be expected.
The Animal Walk will travel the following route:
At approximately 7 pm, the animals will depart Pacific Avenue in Cambridge, turn right onto Albany Street and right onto Mass. Ave.
They will turn left on Memorial Drive and stay on Memorial Drive until the Charles River Bridge on Msgr. O'Brien Highway.
They will turn right to cross the Charles River Bridge and pass in front of the Museum of Science.
They will then go down Martha Road and take a left on Nashua Street to the TD Garden ramp.
Thank you.
MGH Parking and Commuter Services
...anyone want to go look at elephants and zebras in the rain? No?
Monday, October 12, 2009
South End Exploration
The South End: one of my favorite areas of the city to just meander through. A little old, a little new, and always amazing colors.
I would live here happily...
The clouds reflected = perfection
I would live here happily...
The clouds reflected = perfection
Color close-up
My mom, an architect, always taught me to remember to look up.
She loves construction sites, too. I always take a second look.
He's keeping an eye on things....
Storefront on waltham...
Dream brownstone. All that's missing is me walking down those steps leaving for work in the morning...
Group of wildly fashionable men, checking out the abandoned Sahara restaurant...
Just made me smile....
Twinkle twinkle
Shadow and light and an amazing space at the South End Open Market
City gardens. One day, i'll have a spot in one.
Ivy-covered anything
Pravda, eat your heart out--some boozehound left your classy nip outside a classy hotel last night...this would make an amazing ad.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
My answers, to be continued....
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
2. What is your greatest fear?
The mundane.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Not saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, and forgetting to reciprocate (and mean) the question "how are you doing?"
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Magazines, big earrings, and text messages. And a second lime in every gin and tonic.
7. What is your current state of mind?
undercaffeinated, anticipatory, and antsy
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
being "nice" and "normal". I doubt the actual existence of these virtues, and if they do manifest, they'd certainly be boring.
9. On what occasion do you lie?
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
11. Which living person do you most despise?
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Remembering the details
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Tolerance for differences among women
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Literally. Fuck. Seriously.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
16. When and where were you happiest?
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Less quick to speak my mind--not that I will ever stop speaking my mind, I just wish I'd think it out a little more often before opening my mouth.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making and maintaining the many amazing relationships I have, overcoming time, distance, and differences--harder than I ever would have thought.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
21. Where would you most like to live?
London when possible, Geneva in the summer, although I can see myself settling in Boston...
22. What is your most treasured possession?
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The mundane.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Anyone who knows will say my loud, distinctive laugh. And I always have bandaids and bobby pins in my purse.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
A sense of warped humor, good hugs, and the quiet ability to step up.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Kerouac, Vonnegut, Austen, Feynman, Chabon, Chbosky, Singer, Lamb, Diamant
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
31. What are your favorite names?
32. What is it that you most dislike?
Expensive plane tickets
33. What is your greatest regret?
34. How would you like to die?
35. What is your motto?
2. What is your greatest fear?
The mundane.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Not saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, and forgetting to reciprocate (and mean) the question "how are you doing?"
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Magazines, big earrings, and text messages. And a second lime in every gin and tonic.
7. What is your current state of mind?
undercaffeinated, anticipatory, and antsy
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
being "nice" and "normal". I doubt the actual existence of these virtues, and if they do manifest, they'd certainly be boring.
9. On what occasion do you lie?
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
11. Which living person do you most despise?
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Remembering the details
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Tolerance for differences among women
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Literally. Fuck. Seriously.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
16. When and where were you happiest?
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Less quick to speak my mind--not that I will ever stop speaking my mind, I just wish I'd think it out a little more often before opening my mouth.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making and maintaining the many amazing relationships I have, overcoming time, distance, and differences--harder than I ever would have thought.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
21. Where would you most like to live?
London when possible, Geneva in the summer, although I can see myself settling in Boston...
22. What is your most treasured possession?
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The mundane.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Anyone who knows will say my loud, distinctive laugh. And I always have bandaids and bobby pins in my purse.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
A sense of warped humor, good hugs, and the quiet ability to step up.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Kerouac, Vonnegut, Austen, Feynman, Chabon, Chbosky, Singer, Lamb, Diamant
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
31. What are your favorite names?
32. What is it that you most dislike?
Expensive plane tickets
33. What is your greatest regret?
34. How would you like to die?
35. What is your motto?
Proust Questionnaire
I love reading Vanity Fair--who doesn't love fashion, politics, and world affairs all in one magazine? One of my favorite parts is the very last page, where a famous/well-known person answers the Proust Questionnaire, explanation below. I love the range of answers to a fairly simple set of questions, and I've answered them myself before. Take the time to read through them and ponder your answers. Post the answers to any that move you in the comments, and I'll post my answers tomorrow.
(From the Vanity Fair website!)
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
2. What is your greatest fear?
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
7. What is your current state of mind?
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
9. On what occasion do you lie?
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
11. Which living person do you most despise?
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
16. When and where were you happiest?
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
21. Where would you most like to live?
22. What is your most treasured possession?
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
24. What is your favorite occupation?
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
26. What do you most value in your friends?
27. Who are your favorite writers?
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
31. What are your favorite names?
32. What is it that you most dislike?
33. What is your greatest regret?
34. How would you like to die?
35. What is your motto?
(From the Vanity Fair website!)
The Proust Questionnaire
The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.
2. What is your greatest fear?
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
7. What is your current state of mind?
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
9. On what occasion do you lie?
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
11. Which living person do you most despise?
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
16. When and where were you happiest?
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
21. Where would you most like to live?
22. What is your most treasured possession?
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
24. What is your favorite occupation?
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
26. What do you most value in your friends?
27. Who are your favorite writers?
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
31. What are your favorite names?
32. What is it that you most dislike?
33. What is your greatest regret?
34. How would you like to die?
35. What is your motto?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Can't See the Forest For the Trees (or how to see the big picture and the details all at once)
A conversation with Delia this morning reminds me of my ever-present obsession with the seeming mutual exclusivity of either The Big Picture or The Little Details. She commented how it seems silly for feminists to rail on and on about the hijab as a restrictive facet of life in the Arab world, or about how it should be chairPERSON, not chairMAN, when female genital mutilation, among other things, is still a major concern.
In my experience, people have a hard time striking the balance between focusing on the long term or big picture, or having the presence of mind to also pick up on the little details. This can range from ensuring a fabulous high-profile speaker and a wonderful venue for an event, but forgetting to make a schedule checklist for the event preparation volunteer staff, to enacting mandatory health insurance, without noting that mandatory doesn't mean everyone will actually have insurance or have access to prompt care.
Is wrapping your head around The Big Picture or The Little Details a one or the other skill? My time spent as a program assistant helped enable me to at least be aware of both, and make sure to crosscheck that all the little details supported the big picture, at the same time as ensuring that the big picture could be appropriately implemented at the lowest level. I can see how people at different, more specific levels of business, government or leadership can let one slip away--I still don't think that's ok. Menino should have an understanding of the ways that laws get implemented in local communities--for example, if bike lanes are painted in all around the city, how is that being publicized? Are people aware of the laws that go along with biking and driving together in the city? At the same time, areas with high numbers of bike accidents should be made aware of the new lanes, and perhaps bike organizations and community safety organizations should be encouraged to discuss the new lanes, and new behaviors that should go along with them.
Naomi Wolf's article addressing what Muslim women want looks at the big picture and the details on a much larger sociopolitical landscape. By addressing the movers and shakers among Muslim women, instead of the often superficial claims of the hijab and other customs symbolize repression and old-fashioned culture, she looks to BOTH the overarching issues and the lowest levels of activism. Headscarves? How about women who are victims of honor killings? And how about more press for the headscarf-wearing women who are business owners, political activists, and non-profit leaders?
Moral of the story: instead of being tied to the top-down or the bottom-up perspective of an issue or a task, perhaps more success can be garnered by taking the opportunity to look through both lenses. If people at either end continue to see a concept as workable in only massive or minor ways, we'll continue to have problems "solved" or "addressed" on paths that never intersect on a real solution.
In my experience, people have a hard time striking the balance between focusing on the long term or big picture, or having the presence of mind to also pick up on the little details. This can range from ensuring a fabulous high-profile speaker and a wonderful venue for an event, but forgetting to make a schedule checklist for the event preparation volunteer staff, to enacting mandatory health insurance, without noting that mandatory doesn't mean everyone will actually have insurance or have access to prompt care.
Is wrapping your head around The Big Picture or The Little Details a one or the other skill? My time spent as a program assistant helped enable me to at least be aware of both, and make sure to crosscheck that all the little details supported the big picture, at the same time as ensuring that the big picture could be appropriately implemented at the lowest level. I can see how people at different, more specific levels of business, government or leadership can let one slip away--I still don't think that's ok. Menino should have an understanding of the ways that laws get implemented in local communities--for example, if bike lanes are painted in all around the city, how is that being publicized? Are people aware of the laws that go along with biking and driving together in the city? At the same time, areas with high numbers of bike accidents should be made aware of the new lanes, and perhaps bike organizations and community safety organizations should be encouraged to discuss the new lanes, and new behaviors that should go along with them.
Naomi Wolf's article addressing what Muslim women want looks at the big picture and the details on a much larger sociopolitical landscape. By addressing the movers and shakers among Muslim women, instead of the often superficial claims of the hijab and other customs symbolize repression and old-fashioned culture, she looks to BOTH the overarching issues and the lowest levels of activism. Headscarves? How about women who are victims of honor killings? And how about more press for the headscarf-wearing women who are business owners, political activists, and non-profit leaders?
Moral of the story: instead of being tied to the top-down or the bottom-up perspective of an issue or a task, perhaps more success can be garnered by taking the opportunity to look through both lenses. If people at either end continue to see a concept as workable in only massive or minor ways, we'll continue to have problems "solved" or "addressed" on paths that never intersect on a real solution.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Compliment Cycle
I work in a mostly female office (oh, the world of development), populated with lots of well-dressed, super-pleasant women between the ages of approximately 22-55. This creates what I think of as the compliment cycle, or the ego boost train I got used to when I was in Switzerland for a month living with a large group of girls: even without full-length mirrors and an ironing board, we all made a serious effort to remind each other how gorgeous and stylish we looked every morning!
What this means: women are psychologically conditioned to use compliments as a way of doing several things:
1) ingratiate themselves with each other
2) establish a personal connection
3) talk about something other than the weather/the weekend
4) make each other smile/feel good about themselves
I'm not always sure if we truly DO love the other woman's lipstick/handbag/new haircut, but it's an interesting bonding and socialization method that definitely exists in offices and other social situations. A compliment is a quick way to have a one-on-one interaction with someone you don't know anything about, and usually opens up for a "oh thanks, I got it on sale/at this store, you should check it out" or a similar conversation extension. And even when you notice that the compliment is part of a fairly established office routine, it never fails to make the other woman smile or walk away feeling a little bit better, knowing someone else has noticed her efforts to put on a good face to the rest of the world. When you don't always interact on a professional level with everyone in your office, or even know everyone's name, a semi-superficial--ok, entirely superficial--compliment is the simplest way to create connections and a positive atmosphere. Women can be catty, or we can be complimentary. We're good at both, and in a workplace like mine, compliments rule the day. Try it!
The compliments even work with men, who are usually more surprised and pleased with the comment than a woman, since its not such a typical "how about the Pats?" interaction between men. And men--if you notice, in a non-sexual way, that we look particularly nice or have cut our hair, we'll be endlessly impressed with your observational powers and that you took the time to try to make us smile.
What this means: women are psychologically conditioned to use compliments as a way of doing several things:
1) ingratiate themselves with each other
2) establish a personal connection
3) talk about something other than the weather/the weekend
4) make each other smile/feel good about themselves
I'm not always sure if we truly DO love the other woman's lipstick/handbag/new haircut, but it's an interesting bonding and socialization method that definitely exists in offices and other social situations. A compliment is a quick way to have a one-on-one interaction with someone you don't know anything about, and usually opens up for a "oh thanks, I got it on sale/at this store, you should check it out" or a similar conversation extension. And even when you notice that the compliment is part of a fairly established office routine, it never fails to make the other woman smile or walk away feeling a little bit better, knowing someone else has noticed her efforts to put on a good face to the rest of the world. When you don't always interact on a professional level with everyone in your office, or even know everyone's name, a semi-superficial--ok, entirely superficial--compliment is the simplest way to create connections and a positive atmosphere. Women can be catty, or we can be complimentary. We're good at both, and in a workplace like mine, compliments rule the day. Try it!
The compliments even work with men, who are usually more surprised and pleased with the comment than a woman, since its not such a typical "how about the Pats?" interaction between men. And men--if you notice, in a non-sexual way, that we look particularly nice or have cut our hair, we'll be endlessly impressed with your observational powers and that you took the time to try to make us smile.
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